


Gasoline

by UnholyPinecone



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: Angst, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Identity Issues, Multi, Nick has a lot of issues, Self-Esteem Issues, feeling issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-22
Updated: 2016-05-22
Packaged: 2018-06-10 01:24:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6932263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnholyPinecone/pseuds/UnholyPinecone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nick is a fake, and he is not someone who deserves the Sole Survivor.</p>
<p>or</p>
<p>why Nick hides his feelings for the person he loves and can not have.</p>
<p>(Based off of the song Gasoline by Halsey)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gasoline

**Author's Note:**

> Listen to the song [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zRHNi3QfFlE).

****

**_Are you insane like me? Been in pain like me?_ **

 

He stared at the ceiling. Sleep protocols require you to clear your mind, and fall asleep like a normal human. He doesn’t know  _ why _ the Institute put that in there. Seems like a huge inconvenience on their part.

 

But.

 

_ Fucking hell. _

 

**_Bought a hundred dollar bottle of Champagne like me?_ **

 

Nick Valentine rose out of bed at exactly 2:33 in the morning, heading downstairs. It’s not as if he needed sleep. Synths do not need sleep. Yet Nick found himself turning on the sleep protocol to simulate the human work hours sometimes. Something to do at night other than reread cases that he doesn’t really want to solve anyway.

 

God that makes him sound like a terrible person does it?

 

The Bourbon on top of the file cabinet caught his eye.

 

**_Just to pour that motherfucker down the drain like me?_ **

 

Synths do not need food, or drink. In fact, they can’t get drunk at all. Good ol’ detective Nick Valentine had a thing for cigarettes and liquor though. So he kept the habit, and had the irresistable urge to buy alcohol. There is absolutely no reason for him to open the bottle and pour it into a drinking glass.

 

Doesn’t mean that he can’t taste alcohol though. His sensors register the taste. It “burns” his throat.

 

**_Would you use your water bill to dry the stain like me?_ **

 

It helps clear his mind a little. Even if he thinks it’s just a psychological effect. The sense of if you believe in something it’ll work.

 

_ What a load of bullshit. _

 

Nick turned off the sleep protocols for the moment. He’ll turn it back on tomorrow evening. While he’s here at the office, he might as well reread some case files. It’s not as if he didn’t enjoy spending his evenings rereading cases. It was quite a favourite passtime of his before. Some peace and quiet, and a moment to collect his thoughts. Sometimes, there would be a miracle in which he actually pieced together a case in his sleep-addled-

 

No, not sleep-addled mind. He’s a synth. He  _ can’t _ get sleep-addled. Anyways, maybe he should go over that Easons Hospital-

 

_ No, they were going to go through those cases with you, remember? _

 

Right.

 

Fuck.

 

**_Are you high enough without the Mary Jane like me?_ **

 

Nick poured himself another glass, his hand

 

_ Fuck, lay off it, Nick. _

 

They don’t deserve him. They deserve a  _ human _ , who can settle down with them. Have some kids. Live in a settlement far far away from Diamond City and his problems.

 

Not  _ him. _

 

_ And him fantasizing about the Sole Survivor liking him while laying in bed at night trying to sleep is stupid. _

 

**_Do you tear yourself apart to entertain like me?_ **

 

So when they visit him again at the office some days? Months? Right, he’s been counting. 34 days to be exact. Ask him if he’s up for travelling, tells him 

 

“C’mon let’s solve a case.”

 

He plays it off.

 

And instead of saying something that he’ll probably regret like “No” or an insult regarding them and MacCready,

 

he says, “Sure.”

 

**_Do the people whisper about you on the train like me?_ **

 

And he hears every smart remark. Hears residents telling his  _ partner _ that they should leave him. 

 

And he hears MacCready say, “Damn, I forgot to pick up that motor oil for you, Valentine.”

 

He retorted with sarcasm that prompty shut him up.

 

**_Saying that you shouldn’t waste your pretty face like me?_ **

 

And he really does try. He tries to make sure they return home without a scratch, even if he knows it’s an impossible goal in the Commonwealth. He tries to make them laugh.

 

And he knows that they’re wasting their time with him. That they should be laughing with Hancock or doing  _ something else _ other than travelling with him.

 

**_And all the people say,_ **

 

X6-88 always likes to remind him.

 

**_You can’t wake up, this is not a dream,_ **

 

That

 

he’s an unit, a part of the Institute.

 

**_You’re part of a machine, you’re not a human being,_ **

 

Wires instead of blood vessels, coolant instead of blood

 

**_With your face all made up, living on a screen,_ **

 

and the reason he’s alive is that the Institute made the wires inside him, the memories aren’t his, his skin, his face, his eyes,

 

**_Low on self-esteem, so you run on gasoline._ **

 

that he’s a fake.

 

**_Oh, oh, oh, oh,_ **

**_  
_ ** **_I think there's a flaw in my code,_ **

 

And how can he be so stupid to even  _ hope _ that someone as good as the Sole Survivor, the “future of the Institute”, as X6-88 likes to call them. And even if they were a part of his enemy, he can’t help but think

 

how  _ good _ they are.

 

And it’s stupid of him to think-

 

**_  
_ ** **_Oh, oh, oh, oh,_ **

**_  
_ ** **_These voices won't leave me alone,_ **

 

that they might- can- could- maybe- like him. That their smiles are for him, that-

 

**_Well my heart is gold, but my hands are cold._ **

 

Nick Valentine, the synth, tells the Sole Survivor that they’re a good friend and a good partner and hopes

 

prays

 

that they can’t see through his lie.

 

His metal hand catches on the fabric of his trench coat.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes yes, I didn't include the second verse. But I wrote all that's needed, etc, etc.
> 
> Yeah. Irked me why Nick Valentine couldn't be romanced, so this is my interpretation.


End file.
